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Two-week blitz!
My challenge is to be a weight-loss angel for the two weeks I have left before I join AJ Rochester's Healthy Body Club... I want to prove to myself that I can do it!
14pk
A Girl Running
Angel
Beck's Challenge
Being Myself, Only Better
Callipygian
Fab, Fit & Funky
Little Miss Sexy
Lozzy
Madamx81
Miss Nicky
Natti
Sarah
Wooble
Scrapboxx
I'm a Design Team Member for this awesome online scrapbooking store/forum :)
Two Peas in a Bucket
One of my fave sites for scrapping inspiration.
Lonely Planet
I work as an editor for this fab travel guidebook publisher!
AJ Rochester's Healthy Body Club
I'll be joining up here mid-April for some weight loss inspiration!
Weight Watchers
Still one of my fave weight loss sites...
I'm feeling...
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| My cute lil purchase -- Friday April 1 |
| 03.31.05 (12:02 pm) [edit] |
I was in Borders last night and this lil notebook caught my eye.
Aint it cute?! This is my new food tracker. I've somehow lost my WW one (LOL) but I'm almost glad now... I'm hoping the cute colourful stripes will jump out at me when I ruffle through my bag and remind me to track!
On that subject, I tracked everything I ate yesterday, went about 2-3 points over but according to my scales lost 0.5kgs in one day. I don't know what it is with my body, but I find (at the moment) that I can eat a couple of points over my 23 point limit and still lose heaps of weight. Maybe it is the exercise? I'm not sure. Eventually I'd like to be sticking to my points every single day, but for now I'm just going to focus on tracking every day... but I'm sure I'll be creating some sort of challenge in a few weeks time along the lines of 'eat no more than 23 points'! It's heaps easier on 'normal' days when I just have work... but on Tuesday and Thursday I have uni after work, which means I don't end up eating till about 9pm... very bad! And of course there's like nine hours between lunch and dinner so I end up snacking way too much... but that's another story.
Oh and guess what? I found a dancing buddy!! My beautiful friend =http://i2.photobucket.com/alb...Caz is coming with me... and I'm so excited. Not only cos of the dancing, but because I really don't see enough of this girl and I love her to bits! We're starting Sunday next week... at a place called City Salsa Club... Did I mention I'm excited? LOL. Bring on Sunday week!
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| My action plan -- Thursday March 31 |
| 03.30.05 (12:09 pm) [edit] |
Thanks so much to Natti, Sarah and Deb for your support... it really does help so much! :)
Well, I was a little out of control yesterday, and it felt awful. I always feel so powerless and weak when that happens... it's not a nice feeling at all! So as a way of regaining control I've promised myself I will track every little bite that I eat for the rest of the week... even if it means writing down that I've gone over my points... because oddly enough, once I confessed to you all what I'd eaten yesterday I felt much more in control. I think this is the key for me... because I pretty much always track until I leave work and have enough points left for dinner... but between getting home and going to bed I probably have twice as many points as I've allowed in snacks! Tracking is the answer I reckon.
I also typed up a couple of little 'signs' and stuck them around the house (Miles has yet to come home and see them... wonder if he'll notice? hehehe). Daggy, I know, but I really think they might help me!
This one is plastered on the kitchen cupboard we use as a pantry...
It reads: What do you want MORE? What you are about to eat or the sexy bikini you're buying next summer? You CAN do it!
This one is in the bathroom where I can read it every day...
It says: I commit to being the very best that I can be. I deserve to love, be loved and most importantly of all, to love myself. I deserve a healthy body and I will never give up on myself, no matter what happens, and I promise to do whatever it takes to make it happen. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. (This is the 'pledge' that AJ Rochester makes her readers take at the very start of their weight loss journey... thanks AJ!)
Anyway, I hope they work... at the moment I do a double take whenever I see them cos they look so weird! lol
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| All alone & binging again -- Wednesday March 30 |
| 03.29.05 (11:37 pm) [edit] |
AGGHH!! What is it about being all alone that makes me wanna binge? The moment I'm in this place alone I just get this enormous desire to clean the pantry out into my mouth... and I don't for the life of me know why! Here's what I've eaten since I got home an hour and a half ago...
Aero mousse (1 pt)
Small bowl cereal (2 pts)
Banana (1 pt)
Piece of bread (1 pt)
Tuna mornay & rice (8 pts)
Popcorn (1 pt)
TOTAL: 14 pts (more than half of my daily allowance within an hour and a half)
HELP! Why am I sabotaging my efforts like this? What's wrong with me? Do you know how heartbreaking it is to have such a good day and then ruin it by gorging yourself on whatever you can get your hands on?! I feel so crap and lonely and bleaghh and I don't know how to make myself feel better.
Natti is calling in about 45 mins thank goodness. At least if Miles was here I could pour out my sorrows to him!
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| Fruit challenge -- Wednesday March 30 |
| 03.29.05 (11:58 am) [edit] |
Okay, so I've come to the realisation that if I really want to kick this weight, I've gotta eat a balanced diet... which means less pasta, fewer starchy snacks (pretzels, rice crackers etc) and more fruit. Well actually I've known this for a number of years now, it just took awhile for me to get my head around it. :oops:
So... starting today, my challenge is to eat at least three pieces of fruit per day for the next week. Yes, even on the weekend when I'll probably have no fruit in the house and I'll be too lazy to get my bum up to the supermarket to get some more. I will go to that supermarket, I will buy that fruit, and I'm sure some harp music will be playing in the background and I'll instantly be transformed into a slimmer me.
So... anyone wanna join me? :D
ps. Phill... Miles no longer has plausible deniability... or does he?! Mwahahah!!
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| Bah humbug (weekly weigh-in) -- Monday March 28 |
| 03.27.05 (3:05 pm) [edit] |
Well, I put on this week. Trying not to let it depress me. As Miles said last night, it WAS easter... but I guess I'm mostly disappointed because I let easter be an excuse to slack off a bit. Okay so I did my walk-runs (have I mentioned them yet? Well, I've been jogging for a bit on my walks... God it hurts, but feels great!) but if I'm totally honest with myself, I might admit to being a bit of a slacker. I had a couple of 'incidents' related to french onion dip (it was labelled as 'light', surely that means I can eat as much as I like!) and apple desserts (apple is healthy so it reduces the kilojoules in the pastry or crumble, don't you know?), and then there were those evil eggs... oh well, gotta just get back on the weight-loss horsey and start afresh today. I know I shouldn't beat myself up about what I've eaten... but it's damn hard not to.
So here's to a more positive week... hope to lose a kilo this week to make up for the half a kilo I've put on over easter!
ps. UPDATE: Just measured myself and I've actually lost quite a few centimeters since last week... woohoo! Must be those walk-runs... yay for exercise!
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| What the?! Evil Cadbury! -- Sunday March 27 |
| 03.26.05 (1:44 pm) [edit] |
I was wondering why I have put on about half a kilo over the last day or so... I have been pretty good (or so I thought!) and done my exercise... but I checked out Angel's blog this morn and nearly had a heart attack.
I've eaten probably 15 or so of these mini Cadbury eggs since Friday, thinking they're half a point each... but Angel calculated their points for me and turns out they're 1.5 POINTS!!! So much for trying to be good! LOL!
 <--EVIL!>
In a way I'm sort of glad I found this out... because a) I won't be eating any more of those evil little buggers, and b) it explains why I've put on! It means the hard work I've been putting in with my exercise HAS been paying off. Thanks Angel for the eye-opener!
And on a different note... Miles picked up a flyer at Vibe (the cafe he works at) about Salsa dancing lessons! A Latin club a few doors down from Vibe runs the lessons... there's beginners classes every Sunday night, so guess where I'm going next Sunday? Yay! I can't wait, very excited. (And I'm not allowing myself to think about how terrified I am until I get there!)
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| Some inspiration 4 me -- Saturday March 26 |
| 03.26.05 (1:14 pm) [edit] |
So, hands up who has tried losing weight at least a thousand times before with little success? Yup, me too. Over the last couple of years I've rejoined WW probably 4 times (no kidding!) in an attempt to lose weight. And each time, I've lost very little, and at around Week 8 I start feeling like a total failure cos I've paid out something like $120 and lost more weight off my wallet than my backside.
But WW did work for me once before. A few years ago, it helped me lose 17kgs. I've been looking through some piccies today and found some oldies of skinnier me... and I'm so mad at myself. How did I allow myself to fall off the wagon after trying so hard and getting most of the way there?! I only had about another 10kgs to lose back then, and now I've put it all back on (in fact, I'm heavier now than I was when I started back then... depressing huh?)
I could get really bogged down in the fact that the weight has piled back on, and that I haven't been able to lose any of it since then... but that would be the easy option. Instead, I'm going to try to focus on the fact that I did it back then, and there's no reason I can't do it again! The reason WW hasn't worked over the last few years is because I wasn't ready to make the changes... now I am, and I'm more motivated than I've ever been! So I'm going to keep looking at these piccies, knowing I'll soon be even slimmer than I was then.
Christmas 2001 (about 86kgs... I love that cute little top, can't wait to wear it again!)
My friend Caz and I, New Year's Eve 2001-02
Me at my 21st, May 2002 (about 90kgs)
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| A first time for everything -- Friday March 25 |
| 03.24.05 (1:33 pm) [edit] |
Every Easter and Christmas I always see people out jogging or walking and usually think 'What, are they crazy?!' or 'Ohhh I soooo wish I was that dedicated!'. Well today it's gonna be me out there walking... I had next to no sleep last night (note to depression/anxiety sufferers: do NOT forget to take your meds four days in a row... it's not pretty!) but I'm feeling great today... Miles is still tucked up in bed and I'm up wearing my trackies and runners! Hehe!
The scales read 106.8 this morning, so hopefully it stays that way despite the lil bit of choccy I plan to eat today :p
Happy Easter all! Hope you're enjoying the L-O-O-O-N-G weekend!
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| Ahh, shopping... -- Thursday March 24 |
| 03.23.05 (8:58 pm) [edit] |
I was bad. Very bad. I even rang up Miles to tell him how bad I'd been. And for those of you who are thinking 'OMG, I wonder what she ate that was so bad'... it wasn't even food related!
So here's my confession...
I spent $100 on clothes today :shock:
I just couldn't help myself! I know I shouldn't be spending the money in my 'bills' account... but hey, how boring would I be if I kept wearing the same skirt and top combo to work every day of the week until I could fit into my old 'skinnier' clothes? VERY boring!
And you know the most exciting part of it? I tried on about five skirts, all a size down on what I'd been able to get into about a month ago at this particular store... and all but one fitted me! Woohoo!
So I bought a skirt (a gorgeous embroided turquoise and black number) and a couple of tops... the tops were both XL still but I did have to go to a M in one style I was trying on... almost bought it just cos of the size! (But then decided that would be silly considering my whole wardrobe will be filled with beautful elegant size Ms soon! hehe!)
Feeling heaps better today... shopping does that every time :D
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| A bit blah -- Wednesday March 23 |
| 03.22.05 (12:57 pm) [edit] |
I've been feeling a bit bleeugh the last couple of days. It's probably because I haven't exercised I guess... and I've been eating a bit too much cereal... which always makes me feel like the biggest loser of all time (and not in a good way!). Plus I'm totally exhausted... which I guess happens when you work full-time, study after work and don't get enough sleep.
I'm trying to work out how to get out of this rut (I don't think the K-time bar, popcorn or WW icecream I just ate really helped that much... LOL... just worked out I've eaten 8.5 points already and it's only 9am!). I'm on study leave today so I have a bit of time up my sleeve... so I'm planning to clean the house so I can walk from one room to the other without tripping over stuff :oops: Then I'm going for a big long walk! After that I need to head to the shops to pick up some easter eggs for my family, so maybe I'll do a bit of window-shopping while I'm there. Shopping is usually a pretty good way to get out of a blah mood! AND I'm going to ring Fernwood and some dancing studios later... still petrified about the dancing idea but I know I'll feel amazing if I actually go there and enjoy myself! I think I just need to launch myself into it without thinking too much.
Sorry for the vent... hopefully I'll be able to come on later and tell you all how much better I'm feeling! :D
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| Weekly Weigh-in -- Monday March 21 |
| 03.20.05 (10:43 am) [edit] |
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Bugger... I'm up half a kilo since yesterday... I guess this is the bad thing about weighing too often, bodily fluids can really mess with your head! LOL! Anyway, I'm still down half a kilo this week, and at least I'll have a head start on Easter week... 8)
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| Homework -- Sunday March 20 |
| 03.19.05 (2:55 pm) [edit] |
One of my goals this week (and last... but I kinda forgot about it last week LOL :shock:) is to stay inspired... and the best way for me to do this is to read inspirational writing (AJ Rochester's books, Slimming or WW mags, online blogs). In AJ's latest book she set her readers some 'homework'... which I still haven't done! Naughty me. So today I'm going to do it as a way of putting a tick next to my 'stay inspired' goal for this week.
Our first bit of 'homework' was to create a nurture list. This is a list of things that make you feel good... everything from reading a book to ringing a friend. I hope to use mine as a list of non-food rewards, and a list of things I can do rather than eating when I'm feeling a bit blah. So here it is!
Nurture List
1. Snuggling with Miles
2. Going to see a chick flick with my mum and sister
3. Buying/reading a new magazine
4. Chatting to mum or a good buddy on the phone
5. Getting a pedicure
6. Filing and painting my nails
7. Going shopping online for scrap supplies
8. Visiting pet shops
9. Getting a massage
10. Going shopping at the Body Shop
Another thing AJ suggests is that we write a list of the good and bad things about being fat. Hopefully these lists will remind me why I'm doing this, and why I was so sick of my old lifestyle and so sick of hating myself all the time.
Why is being fat 'good' for me?
1. Eating food entertains me when I'm bored
2. Eating distracts me from things that upset me
3. Food tastes good!
4. I get to eat whatever I want
Why is being fat bad for me?
1. I'm always tired
2. I avoid social situations and I'm scared of seeing people I haven't seen since I was thinner
3. I hate the way I look
4. I'm not in control of my life
5. I can't buy the clothes I want
6. I'm unhealthy, I have high blood pressure and I'll live a shorter life if I stay the way I am
7. I avoid fun activities because I'm scared of failing
8. I lack confidence
9. I feel bloated and sick all the time
10. I don't feel sexy
11. I don't have fun dressing up any more
(How cool is this... I've realised that a couple of these have changed already!)
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| So excited! -- Sunday March 20 |
| 03.19.05 (12:18 pm) [edit] |
Okay, so it's not my official weigh-in... but this morn I jumped on the scales and they said 107.1! Which means I've lost 0.9 this week... woohoo!! That's 3.5kgs overall and about 2.5 since I've been going it alone (about three weeks)... pretty good huh!
I think I'm toning up a bit too (and so I bloody well should be with all the exercise I'm doing! :wink: ) Yesterday my mum, sis AND grandma all told me I looked thinner... they might have been seeing what they wanted to see, but I'll choose to believe otherwise!
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| Motivation -- Friday March 18 |
| 03.17.05 (12:45 pm) [edit] |
Motivation is a funny thing. One day you have it -- you feel like you're already thin and you have enough willpower to resist barrels of chocolate if you need to -- and the next you don't. When I run out of motivation I always seem to be telling myself I'm not going to make it, I'm a failure, and I'll never look the way I want to.
Luckily for me, I've managed to stay motivated since leaving Weight Watchers and starting this journey on my own... but I know someone who hasn't. She's been going so well but she's had such a busy week and I think it's just caught up with her... she asked for my help, so I set her some homework. LOL. I told her to write down 10 things she'll be able to do once she loses weight that she can't do now. I reckon if she thinks about these things, she'll remember why she wants to lose weight and hopefully it'll inspire her enough to get back on track and believe in herself again.
Well, here's my 10 things... no fair if I give my friends homework and I don't do it myself! ;o)
1. Walk into Sportsgirl or Portmans and not feel self-conscious when the sales girl says hello to me (I go in there sometimes to check out the jewellery and I always wonder if they're thinking 'what on earth is this fat chick doing in here? No way is she gonna fit into our clothes!')
2. Buy a super-sexy pair of jeans.
3. Wear a bikini.
4. Jog rather than walking.
5. Eat the occaisional piece of cake in public without worrying that people think I'm a pig.
6. Get cozy with my man without wondering if he finds my stomach repulsive!
7. Try new things (like dancing lessons) without feeling petrified and self-conscious.
8. Eat healthy foods because it's a habit.
9. Buy sexy underwear and a bikini or two.
10. Run around in summer without my legs chaffing.
Ooooh I can't wait!!
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| Weekly Goals -- Friday March 18 |
| 03.17.05 (12:35 pm) [edit] |
Well, I haven't done *too* badly against my goals this week... here's how I've done:
Eat less food. This was the hardest one for me by far! I went okay for a few days but still went a couple of points over my 'budget' most days. Gotta work on this some more.
Eat more veggies. Yikes! Does eating the carrots that Miles so lovingly cut up for me count? Carrying this one over to next week too.
Eat well on the weekend -- no junk! TICK! I didn't have any choccy or naughty foods at my parents place... a little too much bread but I forgive myself for that one (I'm only human after all... who can resist fresh HOT Bakers Delight bread? Yummo!)
Stay inspired. Bugger, forgot to do this one too! Next week I promise...
Take note of how much water I'm drinking. Ummm no comment. LOL.
Do some planned exercise at least five days. TICK! Did a combination of gym (treadmill and bike), walking and aerobics this week.
Okay, so I have a bit of work to go on these... I'll carry them all over till next week (the eating well on weekends one and the exercise one I'll need to do every week for a few weeks until it becomes habit)... plus I'm adding one more...
Do some research about dancing classes! I've always wanted to do this... why wait till I lose weight? It's VERY scarey but I figure it can't be any worse than when I went to aerobics for the first time... right?
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| Pretty -- Thursday March 17 |
| 03.16.05 (3:22 pm) [edit] |
It's been awhile since I got really dressed up. I did for New Year's Eve, but felt so bloated and fat that I really didn't enjoy the process at all. But yesterday, when I arrived home on our two year anniversary to find Miles in trousers and a nice shirt, I thought 'Yay! Dress-up time for me!'
I wore the same top I wore on New Year's Eve, but it was looser. My skirt (brand new, I bought it three weeks ago) also had a fair bit of room in it. I straightened my hair, wore lipstick and sprayed on some perfume. And, for the first time in a very long time, I actually thought I looked okay.
When Miles saw me, he told me I looked pretty. Well, no playing it cool here... I gave him the biggest kiss and thank you. He always makes me feel so good about myself, but that was really the icing on the cake.
Feeling vewwy in love today! :D
Us on our anniv...
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| By popular demand -- BBQd fruit skewer recipe! |
| 03.15.05 (11:29 am) [edit] |
Here it is... enjoy!
Ingredients
Small can pineapple pieces
2 pears, peeled and sliced (I didn't use these)
1 banana, peeled and sliced
2 kiwifruit, peeled and sliced into quarters
8 strawberries with husks removed, cut in half
8 wooden skewers, soaked in water for 30 mins
2 tbs honey
1 tbs lemon juice
20g reduced fat butter/marg, melted
1 tbs brown sugar
1/2 tsp ground cardamom
1 tsp vanilla essence
Method
Thread the fruit alternately onto the skewers.
Combine the honey, lemon juice, butter, sugar, cardamom and vanilla and brush over the kebabs.
Coat a clean BBQ with cooking spray and heat. Cook the kebabs for 4-5 mins while brushing with the remaining syrup.
Easy-peasy and yummo! ;)
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| Healthy choices -- Monday March 14 |
| 03.13.05 (3:53 pm) [edit] |
I invited myself over to my friend's place for a bbq this weekend... how rude of me! We were sitting around in the cafe at work discussing the fact that it was a long weekend, and we really should do something on Sunday night just 'cos we can... so I looked straight at Andrea (*coincidentally* the only one of us with a bbq) and said 'Hmm... I reckon we should have a bbq!'. As soon as I realised what I said I probably went tomato red, and both Emma and Andrea laughed at me... LOL.
So anyway.. we did end up having that bbq... and it was so fun! I just love hanging out with those girls! They're just gorgeous, and more importantly, love me for who I am. Plus Andrea's fiance, Ric, complimented my cooking, so he's going to be the blue-eyed boy for life now!
In the past, whenever we've had a get-together, I've brought along my famous chocolate-dipped strawberries... they are so divine. I probably eat at least ten whenever I make them though... not good! Plus when I'm making them I have to 'test' the chocolate to make sure it tastes good (how could melted choccie NOT taste good?!) and end up eating a fair bit of it (read: half the packet). So this time I decided NOT to make them.. and to come up with something healthy but scrumptious instead.
I was at my parents place on Saturday and was flipping through my mum's old WW cookbooks, and one of them had a recipe for barbecued fruit kebabs with a yummy syrup. So I made them. And let me tell you, they were soooo drool-worthy! Yummo! Might have to make them more often methinks!
I ate really well too... no sausages, no Tim Tams (well, a small bite out of Miles' Tim Tam... but if you eat other peoples' food it doesn't have calories in it.. everyone knows that!) and only one glass of wine. As well as the fruit kebabs I made some healthy chicken kebabs, so I ate some of those... and a couple of Andrea's world-famous rissoles... they are the BEST!
I woke up feeling pretty happy with myself... especially when I got on the scales and I'd lost weight! Woohoo!
So here's to healthy choices! They certainly make me feel better about myself :)
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| Weekly weigh-in -- Monday March 14 |
| 03.13.05 (11:53 am) [edit] |
I forgot to weigh in before I ate brekkie yesterday, and I've decided it's probably more sensible to weigh in on a Monday anyway ;o)
This morning the scales registered 108.0kgs.. a loss of 0.5 for the week! Yay! I just know that with eating better and sticking to my goals this week I can lose another kilo by next Monday... :)
Anyway, it's a public holiday here so I'm going back to bed before I go for a walk... LOL!
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| Weekly goal day -- Friday March 11 |
| 03.10.05 (2:51 pm) [edit] |
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I've decided Friday is going to be Goal Day. This means that every Friday I have to set myself at least five goals to achieve by the next Friday. So here they are for this week.
Eat less food. I’ve been eating a couple of points over my 23-point limit – this has to stop if I’m going to continue to lose weight as a reasonable pace. This week my aim is to stick to my 23 points as many days as I can, and not use any of the ‘bonus’ points I get from exercising.
Eat more veggies. I’m going to find a way to make them more interesting this week. First I’ll try a stir-fry with low-point sweet ‘n’ sour sauce, and then I’ll look for healthy veggie recipes online and ask my friend Emma how she made the delicious zucchini we had when we went to her place for dinner once... yummo!
Eat well on the weekend – no junk! The weekends are hardest for me because I usually spend a night and day at my parents’ place. Although my family tries *very* hard to hide all the naughty food from me, I can always sniff it out. LOL! This weekend I’m going to concentrate on saying no to snacks that won’t make me happy. We usually have lunch out somewhere so I’ll make healthy choices then too.
Stay inspired. Make some inspirational signs to put up around the house (Miles will love it LOL) and at work, and do my ‘homework’ from AJ’s book.
Take note of how much water I’m drinking. I’m pretty sure I’m drinking about two litres a day, but I want to take special note of that this week.
Wish me luck! :)
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| Feelin' better -- Thursday March 10 |
| 03.10.05 (1:38 am) [edit] |
Well, thanks to some of the most precious people in my life, I'm feeling heaps better! Miles gave me a good talking to (he knows me better than anyone, and even though he sometimes doesn't 'get' the whole weight thing (given that he has a pretty normal relationship with food), his persective is always honest and true)... as did my beautiful friends Sara and Nat (thanks gals!) and I realised that I was just being silly. Three points worth of junk is not going to kill me. And with all the exercise I've done this week, it's really not such a big deal! I've eaten well for the rest of the day (usually I would've binged to the moon and back) and have almost stuck to my 23 points. Yay for me! ;)
Have to share something mega cute too... well Miles would do ANYTHING for me... but he just doesn't think of food that much (it's not important to him) so I didn't expect him to have cooked dinner tonight. But when I got home I found all the ingredients to a healthy beef and veggie stirfry out (and he doesn't like stirfries usually!)... it broke my heart to tell him I only had a couple of points left and was just going to have an english muffin! Oh well, he's cooking it Saturday night so at least it won't go to waste!
Love you Miles, Sara and Natti! :D
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| Guilty... -- Thursday March 10 |
| 03.09.05 (4:08 pm) [edit] |
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It's only a mini Mars Bar easter egg. What harm can it do? It's so tiny... surely it's only worth half a Weight Watchers point. Hmmm, and since I've had one... well another two won't make a difference either! And neither will the crackers and hommus, or the jelly baby and M&Ms... mmm....
This is what was going round and round in my head during our team meeting/morning tea today. I was feeling weak and a little depressed... the scales this morning told me I was 0.3kg heavier than I was yesterday. Yeah yeah, I know weight fluctuates daily (and I know I shouldn't be weighing myself more than once a week for this very reason)... but I was still feeling like a bit of a failure. Feeling weak and low and going to a meeting where I knew there would be junk food was just a disaster waiting to happen.
Just two days ago I was bragging to Miles about how I refused to eat two Fantales and a Kit Kat that were put in front of me. I felt soooo good and soooo in control that night. And now how do I feel? Fat, lazy and completely weak.
I know I should get over it, and I hope I do... it'll just make it worse if I dwell on it. But I just don't know why I can't remember that junk makes me feel CRAP, and refusing it makes me feel GOOD. It's not that hard a concept, is it? :(
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| Girly girl -- Wednesday March 9 |
| 03.08.05 (11:26 am) [edit] |
Okay, I have a confession to make. I've been letting myself go. Not in a HUGE way (I still have some self-respect! At least a smidgen anyway), but lately I've stopped caring a little about my clothes, my body hair and my general appearance. I guess I just felt that I was fat anyway so who would notice the little details.
But I was reading AJ Rochester's book, “A Lazy Girl's Guide to Losing Weight”, and in it she stresses that we should all start loving our bodies NOW. Why wait till we’ve shed 30 kilos to start feeling good about ourselves? And I think that is so true. There are so many things I could put off till I lose weight… but I’m going to try to step out of my comfort zone and get some of them done now. It’ll do wonders to my self-esteem and who knows, it might even actually help in my weight loss journey!
So on Sunday I did the full-on girly girl thing. I locked myself in the bathroom (so Miles wouldn’t see the fuzz on the floor… ewww!) and got going with the wax (for the eyebrows… which were starting to look like a single fat caterpillar stretching across my face), the epilator (for legs and underarms) and the nail polish (for my toes… which had a bit of chipped pink polish on them that looked even worse than no polish at all – yukko!).
I also went shopping last week for some new clothes. I’ve been wearing the same skirt (floaty, so it hides my shape) to work every single day. All the others are either too small, or they’ve stretched over my tummy and look like a big balloon at the front. Not a good look. So I got this gorgeous brown and pink skirt (size 20, but that will change soon) and a sexy little burgundy crossover top.
Well, let me tell you, I feel so good when I’m wearing that new outfit. I feel thinner, trendier and so much more confident. And knowing people aren’t staring at my facial caterpillar just makes the day go so much smoother! I can’t wait till the compliments start coming in… when I lost weight a few years ago, they really were what kept me going.
So I guess the moral to this story is: love yourself now! There’s no point in hiding away under clothes you hate and taking no pride in your appearance – it just makes you feel even worse about yourself. Being big but well-presented is so much better than being big and bedraggled.
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I'd like to tell you about a girl I admire...
-- Wednesday March 9 |
| 03.08.05 (11:23 am) [edit] |
And that girl is AJ Rochester. If you know me, you have probably heard me ramble on about her at least a few times in the last month. This is because I finally found her old book, “Confessions of a Reformed Dieter”, in one of the boxes in our wardrobe (yeah yeah, we moved six months ago but so what? LOL) and read it for a third time. Well, I was inspired all over again. AJ is the funniest, most honest and motivating woman I have ever come across. Everything she says just rings so true to me (maybe because she has lost about 50 kilos and has been through all the heartache, cravings and loneliness herself), and I can honestly say that she has changed my life. When I discovered that her second book, “A Lazy Girl’s Guide to Losing Weight & Getting Fit”, was about to hit the shelves, I practically stalked my local bookstore until I finally got a copy. And it really is as incredible as I knew it’d be.
I also discovered while reading this book that AJ is soon to start an online weight-loss group, the Healthy Body Club (check it out here). How awesome! If her books inspire me this much I can only imagine what one-on-one communication will do! I emailed AJ shortly after discovering the site, just to find out a bit more info. I was kinda expecting maybe an auto response from her agent, or a quick, generic email, but what I got was a sincere, encouraging, personal email that made me shiver with excitement the whole way through. Here is an extract (I hope she doesn’t mind that I’m sharing!):
Remember you have the rest of your life to enjoy the changes you make, so in the meantime just make every day a little bit better. Time has a funny habit of passing, before you know it you will have the body of your dreams. I promise.
If I can do it, anyone can.
Love Love
Miss AJ.
I have AJ to thank for my ‘refocus’ towards losing weight (that same refocus that has had me exercising every single day this week) and for the fact that I feel a million times less depressed, more motivated and more energetic than I did two weeks ago.
So thank you AJ… ‘see’ you in a month or so!
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| Yay! -- Monday March 7 (later) |
| 03.07.05 (1:01 am) [edit] |
If you read my last post, you'll know why I'm 'yay'ing... I didn't eat any cereal!! Woohoo! I went for a 45-minute walk along the Yarra, got home and made myself a yummy asparagus sandwich and got a surprise phone call from my great friend Ali... she's truly a darling and I'm feeling so uplifted! Thanks Ali!
Well, talk to you all tomorrow... uni day, which is a challenge in itself!
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| Eat the cereal, eat the cereal, eat the cereal... -- Monday March 7 |
| 03.06.05 (9:13 pm) [edit] |
This is what my brain tells me, 24 hours a day. (Well, almost.) When I wake up, the first thing I think about is cereal (sometimes even before I think of how much I love the gorgeous man laying beside me!). Once I've eaten my brekkie, I think of cereal, and I want some more. When I get home, OMG, I can't think of anything BUT cereal! It is a very normal occurence for me to have two, or even three or four, bowls of cereal in one day.
I don't know what it is about cereal, really. Well, actually I do: it's bloody delicious! There's just something incredible about that combination of cold milk and crunchy grains and almonds (Sustain) or the yummy sloppiness of a bowl of mushy Vita Brits. Plus, I'm a total carb junkie.
But anyway... it's now 5:16pm, and I just got home from work, and as usual, my brain is on its one-track cereal-infused road. AGGHH! I tried to prevent this by leaving some rice crackers in my car to eat on my way home so I wasn't totally RAVENOUS when I got in the door... but I still crave cereal. I tried to suck on a Chupa Chup (only half a point on WW) but it's just not the same... I WANT CEREAL!
Well, I think I took a positive step just by coming here and fessing up rather than actually eating any. Whether I make it through the night without eating it is another matter. But I'm going to do what I know is best... go for a nice long walk (hoping it doesn't rain on me) and imagine that a bowl of cereal is really a big whopping mound of fat... and remember that cereal doesn't actually make me happy for more than the two minutes it takes for me to gulp it down!
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| Gym junkie? -- Sunday March 6 (later) |
| 03.05.05 (10:26 pm) [edit] |
Last Thursday, when I ran upstairs to join my friends in the LP cafe for lunch after a cardio session at my work's gym, my friend Emma called me a gym junkie. I kind of giggled nervously at her (ME?! Ms I-hate-exercise-more-than -my-fat-thighs, a gym junkie?!) before breaking into a grin. I realised it... I actually like exercise! Now that's not to say that I'm going to give up sleep every morning in favour of pushing some weights... but even though I still don't quite believe it, I actually feel good after exercise. If I do it often enough (every day), I still remember the endorphin rush I felt last time I went for a walk/rode the exercise bike, and it's enough to get me out the door. My, how things change!
It's funny... I think my so-called 'hatred' of exercise stems mostly from my childhood. As a kid, I was never as good at sport as my gorgeous and bouncy younger sister. I was a bit unco too which meant I wasn't great in PE at school. And because everyone always told me I was bad at sport, I made it happen. In fact, during the last few years I've made sure I never came into contact with sport at all! But I'm getting my confidence back a little now... even though I'm still a bit unco (I fell off my new bike the first time Miles and I went for a ride -- ha!) I have my dreams. Once I'm feeling a bit more confident, I want to go back to playing indoor soccer. There's a few teams that play during lunch times at work so I really have no excuses. And I want to learn to DANCE! This is something I've always wanted to do (well, ever since I had a few lessons at school in year 9!) but I've never had the courage. But soon I will, I promise!
ps. Thank you so much to my gorgeous friends at Scrapboxx. It means so much to know that you're all behind me 100%, and don't you worry, I WILL take you all up on that offer of support! ;) Click here to see just how fab they all are.
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| Weekly Weigh-in -- Sunday March 6 |
| 03.05.05 (11:58 am) [edit] |
Hi guys!
Well, my weigh-in day is now officially Sunday :)
This morn I registered 108.5kgs on my new digi scales... this is a loss of 1.1 from my weigh-in at Weight Watchers last Saturday. Woohoo! Now I'm not getting *too* excited cause there might be some difference between the WW scales and my ones at home, but still, pretty exciting. :D Only 2.9kgs to go before I get that manicure! (I've been filing my nails and looking after them in preparation... hehehe.)
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| My Story -- Saturday March 5 |
| 03.03.05 (10:54 am) [edit] |
I haven't always been overweight. As a newborn, I was apparently quite normal in size... that was, however, before I discovered food. Mum has often told me that the only way she could ever shut me up as a littlie was to feed me... and not much has changed since, really.
By the time I was about 4, I knew I was different. I was teased at my first primary school (luckily, my parents removed me), and after that I went to an 'alternative education' school where everyone was much more open-minded. But I still felt different. I ate because I loved food, and I ate whenever I was lonely, bored or upset. I had crushes on boys but I was always too scared to speak to them, because I knew they wouldn't like me. I had a few good friends but I was always shy, and I didn't make friends easily.
Mum has had a weight problem for most of her life too, and when she realised I might be following her ill-fated path she tried everything in her power to stop the cycle. When I was about 10, she took me to a dietician - but unfortunately this particular dietition was on some sort of sick and twisted power trip and simply said to me: 'You know, you'll never be skinny.' I don't remember being totally upset at the time, because she was really just reinforcing what I'd known all my life: I was big and I'd never be small.
Next came Weight Watchers, which I've been on and off for about 13 years now. About three years ago they helped me lose over 17kgs... but I hit a plateau and, not really believing I was actually much thinner (I still saw fat in the mirror, even though I dropped about three dress sizes and was receiving compliments all over the place), I put the weight back on and more.
For the last few years I've pretty much maintained my weight while trying desperately to lose it. Somewhere in those years I met my current (wonderful) partner, Miles, moved in with him, finished my uni degree and landed the job of my dreams (working as an editor at Lonely Planet). Life's not perfect but it's pretty darn close! The only thing lacking at the moment is the unbelievable powerlessness I have in regards to food.
On some days, I'm seriously out of control. I do no exercise, I eat huge bowls of cereal and my portion sizes are probably twice or three times what they should be. On others, I'm good. But I know it's time to end the rollercoaster ride... there's no point being strong one day if I'm weak the next.
So, I've decided to do a few things. First, I'm going to get honest with myself. I read a quote once that said 'If nothing changes, nothing changes' and I think that's so true. If I don't change anything about my life, how can I expect to shed my weight? It's time for me to be honest with myself and realise that if I keep doing what I'm doing, I'm going to waste many, many years of my life wondering what it'd be like to shop in Sportsgirl or wear a bikini.
Second, I'm going to join AJ Rochester's healthy body club (I'll tell you more about that later!).
Third, I'm going to try to tackle my 'issues'.. LOL. I have such low self-esteem at the moment that I keep asking Miles ridiculous questions like 'Would you still love me if I never lost weight?' and 'Would you be sad if we broke up?'. It's stupid and I've got to stop it... for the sake of our relationship and my own sanity.
And fourth, I'm going to start this blog! I'm hoping it will really help me to have somewhere to express my feelings... even if nobody ever reads it, I'm still safe in the knowledge that I have somewhere to vent.
So wish me luck! This will be a long but exciting journey. :D
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Read it
Welcome to my journal! I'm a 23-year-old Melbournian, magazine-lovin', creative, scrapbooking-addicted health nut in training. I work as a guidebook editor for travel publisher Lonely Planet, and live in a cute 'n' cozy apartment in Richmond with my gorgeous boy, Miles.
This journal is my refuge, my confessional, the place I come when I need motivation or support on my journey to a healthier me. Thanks so much for reading!
(Updated every Monday)
Age: 23
Height: 173cm
Starting Weight: 110.6kg
Current Weight: 107.5kg
Total Lost: 3.1kg
BMI: 35.8 (was 37)
Goal Weight: 75kg
Next mini-goal: 105.6kg (1.9kg to go)... my reward when I get there is a manicure!
(Updated first of month)
Neck: 37cm (was 38cm)
Calf: 44.5cm
Thigh: 73cm
Upper arm: 40cm (was 41cm)
Chest: 119cm
Waist: 100cm (was 106cm)
Hips: 122cm (was 127cm)
Monday: None
Tuesday: 30 mins gym cardio
Wednesday: 30 mins gym cardio
Thursday: 45 mins gym (cardio & weights)
Friday: Plan: none
Saturday: Plan: 45 min walk
Sunday: Plan: 1 hr walk, 1 hr latin dance class
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